Vulnerable Moment: I’ve had quite a bit of self-induced stress since my move. Figuring out how to be a human that isn’t a “Mom” or “Wife” or “Leader”. Just me. Doing my thing. I’ve often asked myself “Am I done?”. Or, “Is that it? Am I just aged- out of importance now?”
I’ve been doing some soul-searching and realized even at work, I’m suddenly noticing friction with myself and my activities. As much as I love the work, I realized, that the results are no longer tied to a specific goal.
There’s nothing big on the horizon, no problem to solve, or person to save. There are no stages to compete for, or peers to impress.
So then, is the work really purposeful? Does it matter?
It’s not to say I don’t want to earn money to pay bills, have infinite resources (love that word — infinite), to give back in big ways, or have extra for fun things like travel (or an RV even).
But it’s different when it’s not assigned to something specific.
So, I think rather than finding a new goal to attach my activities to, it’s more important to learn how to “be”. Just enjoying the “game” of it all. Looking at my work as a fun puzzle, rather than a means to an end.
We suffer because we “define” things. We give them meaning. The labels define us. They give us purpose, rather than us finding purpose in our own being, as an individual.
My new goal is to be happy, just living in “the flow” without the idea that it has to “mean” or “do” anything other than provide joy while doing the activity.
And acceptance, that it’s Me, no labels, and I am enough.